Great Advice, Self Improvement, Uncategorized

How to live together — in Peace

Photo by Drew Hays on Unsplash

Harmonize — An essential aspect of building lasting and fulfilling relationships. How can we create a great relationship with your partner! Whenever I read or hear about people who have great relationships with people in their lives over many years — the response is always — we talk, we talk a lot. Yes, we are very different and have different opinions just about everything (My husband and I included here), But we accept that, and we talk! We come to an understanding or an agreement. It is not easy to be sure.

In my church, I hear a lot about “Unity”; unite, unite, and I must admit that I have misunderstood the meaning of that word for a longe time. Until I finally realized that unity does not mean that we have to give up our ideas, our identity, and so on to unite. Instead, we have to make every effort first to be clear and understand ourselves. “Know thyself” — have self-awareness. Have you ever tried to relate to someone who was very unsure of themselves — it is challenging if not impossible, even with an enormous effort on your part. Therefore we must know who we are!

Only then can we hope to have great relationships with others.

I tried to often to blame the other party for “not understanding me — not knowing what is important to me when I did not even understand myself!”

It is the first step. It is not easy to achieve that. And for many of us, it is even a foreign concept! If we are not at peace with ourselves, we cannot be at peace with others.

To harmonize with others or to create harmony in a group or family, we need patience more than anything! How many problems do you and I know about which stem from innocent misunderstandings?

Let’s imagine for a moment what a harmonious Family would look like: 

  1. Trust — I find when I trust myself, I naturally trust others as well, and of course, the opposite is true. Trust doesn’t mean that everything is fine, but I can deal with whatever is present and do my part in any given situation. 
  2. Patience — nothing happens overnight. Many problems have arisen by impatience and just reacting. It is difficult to practice patience in this fast-paced world. But the payoff is enormous if we succeed.

These are the two most essential components for creating harmony. If we focus on these two: With Trust and Patience, we will naturally become people who are contributing to creating a harmonious environment. Let me make a point here: Trust has nothing to do with naivety. We look at situations and people with open eyes and make honest assessments. Then we decide to trust that everyone has the same desires and wants to do right. When we choose to trust — We will never get sucked into participating in gossip and trash talk but be a refreshing source of understanding. We will be surprised as to how much we can control our environment. Trust me; this is a great way to live.

Maybe I don’t think of myself as a “good person” for various reasons. But no matter what, I can follow these two steps mentioned above and see what happens! The results will surprise us.

We can observe some communities where people from different cultures, religions, age groups live together. We can see that there is respect for one’s background. These are vibrant communities, and they exist throughout the world. I lived myself in such cities at different times. It is a great experience. Unfortunately, we hear in the media mainly about negative news.

What about in Marriage? Most people expect their partner to think the same, have the same tastes, etc. Some are looking for their “soulmate” forever to find out when it is too late that this soulmate does not exist!

Instead, we need to get to know the other person better during our lives. Too many people think that they get to know each other during courtship! After they get married, sometimes they think “that is not the person I married.” If we correct our assumption and expectation, — Get to know the other person — find out who they are and love them. — Don’t we all want to be loved for who we are and who we become?

I see the same happening with my children. Naturally, they are all very different, and their partners are different from them. It takes a lot of effort on everyone’s part to live together in harmony. A case in point — my oldest son, used to and still does like heavy metal music. Sometimes he would ask me to listen and try to understand him through the music.

All my kids did that, and I realized how much kids want their parents to understand them.

I was never able to understand why my son liked that kind of music, but he appreciated my effort to understand. I believe any music helps to understand and harmonize.

My kids are very different from each other and don’t always accept that their sibling chooses a particular profession or lifestyle. If they can understand the importance of family, not let differences pull them apart and nurture their relationship in any way possible.

I have read that if marriages survive seven years, they have an excellent chance to last! That means it can take up to seven years for a newlywed couple to learn to live together! It sounds like a lof effort. But the journey will be exciting and interesting if we set the correct expectations.

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